“Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.”
— Herman Hesse

Letting Go of Unhealthy Attachments

Our need to attach to people and things comes from a misguided belief that fulfilment, love, security, and acceptance can and must be found outside ourselves.

We attach to people and things to give us a sense of worth, from the false belief that people and things outside us can bring sustainable joy, peace, and happiness. This belief is a trap that keeps our minds locked in a battle of duality. A duality of highs and lows.

There is never enough outside us to fill our innermost desires.

Once you begin to understand that all you need is already within you, you can free yourself from the trap your attachments perpetuate. From there, you can begin to create authentic relationships that nurture your spirit rather than depleting it.

Understanding your attachments is the key to freeing yourself from them, and to finding a true path to the manifestation of your every desire.

Once you begin the change, change is inevitable – and life transformational!


If you feel an emotional charge or reaction when you think about someone or something, it is a sign that you are attaching. Try this:

Exercise 1: Consider your smartphone (or any other technology you use every day). Leave your phone at home for a day to find out how you feel. If there is no emotional charge, no sense of panic or feeling lost without it, then you don’t have an attachment to the phone. If you find yourself struggling to function without it, however, then you do!

Exercise 2: Make a list of all the things in life you have reacted to within the last week. That feeling of needing to be right… Or whatever else triggers an emotional charge in you. Now see if you can go without reacting to the things on this list for one day.

Practice “observing without evaluating” for one week! Just one, and at the end of the week ask yourself the very important question you are now getting into the habit of asking: “How do I feel?” – this week, compared to other weeks?

Be honest in your answer.

If you haven’t felt any better, then be assured that you have remained stuck in your attachments and it would be wise to practice this step all over again next week. Try your best to move on from the unease you feel and accept all that happens!

Hard to do? Yes! Why? We are so used to looking outside ourselves for life’s answers. We lack faith in our inner Self and so fixate on people and things to fix the way we feel. The more we do this, the further we are from being in control of our lives.

One of the hardest things I had to do in my life was, first, to admit I was attached to anything, and second, when I began to discover my attachments, to learn to stop reacting. Yet the most rewarding feelings of peace occurred instantly when I started to get it!

Good luck and have fun this week – it’s an amazing feeling when you start to observe that what once triggered a reaction or outburst in you no longer does. And what’s even more interesting are the looks and responses you get from others when you do take control over your words and behaviours – have fun with it!